I've been wrong this entire time. My head ache isn't because of computer eye strain. It's because of stress....loads of stress that I don't need to carry. Stress that God has already carried for me and I just seem to have a hard time letting go of.
Where to start?
Well good news is I got a call back for the job interview I went in for yesterday. I am almost positive that it will be a very boring job that I'm going to hate beyond belief. However if they hire me that is all I need. Just a job.
Other good news is that I only have to pay 300 of the 650 owed on my first month's apt. rent. Which means I might actually be able to move in pay my rent then have enough left for the following month until I can find a job. This gives me some leverage.
Bad news:
After a quick brush with getting my power diconnected, I somehow managed to beg the power company to keep my lights on untill next thursday when I can pay the remainder off. This being said. I have exactly 7 cents to my name until next thursday when, even after that, I will still only have 7 cents.
Lets see. Things I must pay for:
Cable - which I'm having cut off Aug. 3rd
Power - which gets transferred at a cheap rate of $40 instead of $150 but I will be paying the entire bill off.
Computer - because if I don't pay if Micheal will kill me. I was stupid to purchase it even if at the time I really thought I could pay for it. I won't let his credit suffer on my inability to find a paying job. I'll just not have internet or cable at my new place. This is a statement I'm trying to prepare myself for.
$200 deposit - due next week
$150 - refurb fee for my new apt. due next week. Sadly the two afore mentioned things won't be paid. So I am not even sure if I will be able to get the apt. after all because I won't have the money until July 29.
Water - yep def. forgot about that.
Cell phone - I'm having it turned off completely. It already is suspended.
And there my friends is all of my money that I will get paid going to the above mentioned things. It's very stressfull. Mostly because of all that happened today.
I called mom in a panic b/c I got a letter that my power would be cut off tomorrow. Having only 72 dollars to my name to pay the bill I went to the office to beg them to leave it on untill next week when I will pay the entire bill off. Thus depleting my account of other money need to pay stuff. Well I came back into the office, checked my voicemail since I don't have a cell phone. Micheal called. Apparently my mom was going to handle the problem of my power by contacting Micheal's parents to get them to pay the bill then us pay them back. Um...hello.... how can we pay them back money we don't have?????
I told everyone that I had it under control even though I'll be broke all next week because of it.
I know mom meant well and she must have been desperate because she called micheal's mom whom she doesn't really care for and whom has never taken the time to reach out to my mom and dad. Part of me was embaressed because of it. The other part was shocked that his parent's (mostly his mom) would offer help after I've been struggling for a while now. They never cared before, why should they now?
All micheal's father tells me is that I have "plenty" of money and that I (that being me, Laura) just go out and waste money constantly on spending. Hello Mike Frost...newsflash... I work my butt off to pay my bills and still not get ahead. So do my parents.
That leads me to my mom - who is sick and needs to go to the doctor but is trying to get an appointment with a real doc not an ER trip so she can save money. Then today she is crying on the phone about not have a car so she can have a job. My dad constantly takes out his money frustrations on myself. It's my fault we have no money in the family. B/c mom and dad feel that they have to take care of me still. Dad says I should move home and work from home. Which is fine until I start driving all over to work using money I could have extra for numerous amounts of gas.
Which leads me to my next point. Had micheal's mom and dad not been against us moving intogether my woes of money and paying for stuff would be slim to none. In april he told me we'd move in together. I had a plan and everthing even a money saving list on how we could afford everything.
Then he bombed me with telling me no and that his parents were deciding on it. Now I'm stuck rebuilding my plan and It's painful. Why? because micheal still continues to give me spare money to pay my bills and all when if we lived together we could have saved money.
I want to blame this on him. Secretly I think I will.
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We as people tend to think ourselves into a corner. Money will, as a general rule,always cause us issues. The only thing you can do is keep trying. Here I sit, with my 4year old daughter, living with at my boyfriends parents house. At 26 this is not where I figured I'd be but now I am going back to college and trying all over again. I had a a wonderful state job that I could have worked for 20years and then retired at 42. All that fell apart when I was diagnosed with Lupus. That was 4years ago and I am just figuring it out. You have time! Just Breath!
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