Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Start of something new

So today was my first official day of graduate school. I will admit that I have been fighting feelings of trying to fully grasp the truth that I'm gonna be a MA candidate one day. I guess I just keep looking at UAB as the down sized version of where I could be - like at UA or UGA, ect. However, I keep trusting in the truth that God has me here for a reason. That maybe I wasn't meant to get into the other programs at the other bigger colleges. That's God's plan for my life involves UAB. That mentality has kept me going lately.

So much has happened. I won't lie. After class tonight I wanted nothing more than to send Michael a text or call him and tell him that I did it, that I made it through day one. I won't lie, I want nothing more than tonight at like 11pm to share with him my first day. I can't. I mean, I could share it with him if I wanted to but the conversation would be much like what I expereinced today with asking for cat food for Miley : "Ok, yea." "How are you? Anything new?" "No." "How are your parents?" "Fine." "Your grandmother?" "Fine." "Wow, you are a conversation piece, let me tell ya." "I have to get ready for work, bye."

That being said, I realized today that some people aren't meant to be friends. That some people are either lovers or friends or both. With a break like ours, i'm not sure if both can exist together.

Thus my frustration with wanting to share my wonderful experience of grad school with him. Yet I am reminded he never cared to share anything - not anything in the past week with me. I mean.

So today when I was driving home, I looked behind me at the beautiful sunset and ahead of me and the raging storm clouds. It was a reminder from God, a faithful reminder, that there is always goodness coming, no matter if you are driving in the storm.

Today after class I felt more proud of myself than I have in a long time. I feel that I am accomplishing something that I have worked hard to get and that all the crazy things that have happened to me have prepared me for this point.

My first class was a bibliography research class. The teachers, Dr. Flowers, was a very nice lady that seemed to really love literature and English and research. She reminded me a lot of my mom, Mrs. Walton and Mrs. Weeks (especially her). Which made me hope that in my lifetime that I would become so happy and excited about my MA and want to share it with the world.

Tomorrow is Victorian literature then more selling Coach at Belk, which is another blog entry in itself.

Oh and I'm officially starting my novel. I'm putting all these feelings and thoughts on love into something constructive in hopes that it will help others in this world.

Such wonderful things are happening in my life and since I can't share them with Micheal, I'll share them with myself. And Miley, Marcie, Alexander and Edward.

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